← Sular Çekilince
CH01 — Bir — Taşlar
Turkish → English8 OF 8 PARAGRAPHS RENDERED · 2 APPROVEDNEXT →
BOUND BY THE STYLE BIBLE AND EVERY RATIFIED TERM · APPROVED PARAGRAPHS ARE NEVER TOUCHED
THE ROUND TRIP COSTS TWO CALLS PER CHUNK — IT IS THE EXPENSIVE, HONEST CHECK
THE ROUND TRIP COSTS TWO CALLS PER CHUNK — IT IS THE EXPENSIVE, HONEST CHECK
ON THE CHAPTER AS A WHOLE
∞The Continuity ClerkHIGH
"iskele" is rendered "pier" in CH02.001, against the ratified "jetty" used in CH01.001 and CH01.007.
The jetty is the book's fixed point — the narrator stands on it as a child and again forty years later. Two names make it two places.
Use "jetty" in CH02.001. The term is ratified; the Drafter should not have varied it.
4 OPEN NOTES AWAITING YOUR RULING
CH01.001APPROVED
Sular çekildiğinde iskelenin altındaki taşlar görünürdü. Çocukken onları sayardım; her yıl bir tanesi eksilirdi, her yıl deniz bir tanesini daha alırdı.
≈The StylistLOW· DISMISSED
"showed themselves" is a small addition; the Turkish only says the stones became visible.
It gives the stones agency the source does not.
Kept deliberately: the stones acting on their own is the book's whole weather.
CH01.002APPROVED
Babam buna alışmak derdi. Ben kaybetmek derdim. İkimiz de haklıydık, ama o benden daha sessizdi.
CH01.003READ
«Bu sene kaç tane?» diye sordu, sırtı bana dönük, ağı onarıyordu.
CH01.004READ
«On yedi.»
CH01.005READ
Elleri durdu. Ağın gözü parmaklarının arasında asılı kaldı. Sonra devam etti, sanki hiçbir şey duymamış gibi.
≈The StylistLOW
"The mesh hung suspended between his fingers" is a degree more literary than the surrounding prose.
The bible asks that where the Turkish is bare, the English stays bare; "suspended" is doing work the paragraph does not need.
"The mesh hung between his fingers."
CH01.006READ
O yaz limanı kazdılar. Derinleştireceklerdi, büyük tekneler girebilsin diye. Kimse çıkanları konuşmadı.
⌕The PhilologistMED
"Derinleştireceklerdi" is rendered "They were going to deepen it", supplying a subject the Turkish withholds.
The source keeps the dredgers unnamed throughout the paragraph; naming them, even as "they", tells the reader there is someone to blame.
"It was to be deepened, so the big boats could come in." — the charter's own caution asks for this.
CH01.007READ
Ama ben gördüm. Sabah erken, herkes uyurken, iskelenin ucunda durup baktım: çamurun içinde, yılların suyun altında sakladığı şey artık saklanmıyordu.
○The Native ReaderMED
I had to read "the thing the years had kept hidden under the water" twice, and I still don't know whether I am meant to know what it is yet.
The withholding may be deliberate, but the sentence also has two "hidden"s in it, which reads as clumsiness rather than restraint.
Consider letting the second one go: "…the thing the years had kept under the water was not hidden any more."
CH01.008READ
Babam o sabah beni orada buldu. Hiçbir şey sormadı. Sadece elimi tuttu ve eve götürdü — ve kırk yıl boyunca ikimiz de o sabahtan bir daha söz etmedik.
TAKE IT OUT OF THE ROOM
EVERY PARAGRAPH IS RENDERED · EXPORTING COSTS NOTHING AND CHANGES NOTHING
THE ROOM DRAFTS · ONLY YOUR APPROVAL MAKES IT THE BOOK